Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been getting on really well with my ex lover, but can you really ever be mates? With your ex, you’ve shared memories that will either make you laugh or cry. But somewhere on the road of parting ways couples one person feels the need to promise to stay friends “because you’re a really nice girl and that” which leads to more broken promises.
One person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other cries over the breakup for weeks, even months. It’s never easy to break up with someone you’ve shared good times with. By wanting to remain friends, it also allows the dumper to feel that their former lover will still be in their life, and they won’t have to miss having them around. So now the dumper can move on with their life with ease, and with the pleasure of seeing their former lover and talking/laughing/joking with them. The person who got dumped, however, has the pleasure of being constantly reminded of the person who ripped out their heart.
As hard as it is to accept, it’s difficult to bring a relationship back to its normal state after having been intimate with someone. You will always have an image of that person naked, and memories of them will always be triggered by the smell of his aftershave, or even by hearing a song that he once serenaded you with. And as thick-skinned as you are, it’s hard to see the person in the same light after being entangled in each other’s skin and sharing a moment of sheer ecstasy with one another.
One person will always feel resentment or bitterness toward the other. And where there’s bitterness, there’s jealousy. The truth of the matter is that it’s hard to be sincerely happy for your former lover when hes just found the new love of his life. It’s human nature to be jealous or resentful when our former lovers finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if our feelings have somewhat faded. It becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped. Surely for that person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking their place in the memories that he and you shared is hard, right?
Even if your relationship was completely problem-ridden, chances are that the passion and sexual chemistry between the two of you still exists. It’s a recipe for disaster because it means that every time you get together under this new “friendship” premise, the lust and passion you have makes it more likely that you’ll end up in “one more” night of unbridled “goodbye” sex, for old times’ sake. This brings you right back to square one — how you felt right after your breakup, and just when you were doing so well.
Does it have to be all-or-nothing?
